David Hatches a Plan

June 17, 2008

Car conversation near Millersburg, Ore., I-5 Southbound

“You know what I’m going do to?” asked David.
“I’m going to go to the bars near us: Roadside Attraction, Squeez, that creepy bar and grill we never go into.”
“[acknowledging sound]”
“I’m going to ask them what they do with their used frying oil. And then I’m going to take it for them.”
“Uh huh?”
“And then I’m going to put in our garage.”
“No. Hell no.”
“Damn. I was afraid of that. Anyway, I’m going to put it in our garage. And then I’m going to filter it and sell it to people with greasels or to make biodiesel.”
“Jesus. Wouldn’t it be easier just to collect empty pop cans and take them to the store?”
“You can’t make money that way!” — mock indignation.
“Yes you can.”
Oh my GOD! I’m going to do that!”
I sighed. “Have you heard that recently, because of high gas prices, used cooking oil theft is actually on the rise?”
“So you’re going to go steal cooking oil?”
“Oh, I’m not going to steal it. I’m just going to collect it.”

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